Waving Flag

I guess it was more of a betrayal than anything else.
Because all you taught me was to be quiet and hide it.
I valued your words, I heeded them accordingly.
Then I find out that the only reason why you told me so was because you didn’t want others to know.
I keep trying to reason your thinking behind this.
But every reason I came up with, there’s always some sort of shame associated.
You kind of killed me when you pulled me aside and
told me to hide it better because your friends are coming.
Am I that shameful that you didn’t even tell your friends?

Maybe you thought it would be better that others don’t know.
Then they won’t judge. And I wouldn’t be given such a hard time either.
To make up for all that I lacked, you tried to give me what I wanted to make me happy.
For that, I’m thankful.
You told me it’s okay that I lacked in something, it’s not the end of the world.
For that, I’m thankful.
You told me that as long as it makes me happy and I’m willing to, you’d fork out the money.
For that, I’m thankful.
Most of all, I’m more than thankful that you would always try to cheer me up after each doctor’s visit,
even when the doctor is pessimistic about the results.
It’s okay if both of you do not have time to go with me,
I will just make my way to the hospital alone with my no sense of direction.
It’s my problem after all. I have to face the world alone someday.
I can’t have you sheltering me all my life.

I’m not bitter. I’m not exactly sad either. I think I’ve resigned myself to fate.
I understand. And I’m not going to be angry because I would have definitely done the same in your shoes.
And I’m sorry, for being such a burden to the two of you.
For all the strength you both have put up for me throughout these years,
just for the sake for the both of you, I will really try my best to be happy.
Because ultimately, that’s what both of you want for me right?

It was supposed to be a happy post I swear.
But recent events kind of changed my mood and hence….

Okay bye bye

“And yet, anything real, anything strong, was never easy. She’d been taught from an early age that the things that mattered most were the hardest to obtain.”
Nora Roberts


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