Sweater Weather

Is it possible to be more stress after exams than during exams? Because I am.  I hate not being able to know what’s in my future, the feeling of the unknown is disturbing and scary at the same time. I can’t tell whether it’s the fatigue or the stress, but I’m feeling really disoriented lately. I’m feeling so out of it that I can literally just wander off somewhere and get lost. 

Year 1 is over. Time passes so fast but I’m tired of living life. What’s the end of life? What is it do we get when we reached wherever we were supposed to go? Self fulfillment? Contentment? Happiness? I don’t know. Are we truly in control of our lives or is fate controlling us? Sometimes I would wave my hand in front of me because I wasn’t sure if I’m really living or if my surroundings are fake. I’m getting this weird feeling again as I write this and it’s making me really really irritable. It wasn’t so bad last time since it seldom happens. However, ever since last week it’s been occurring every single day. Every time when it happens, regardless whether I’m in public or at home, I will get confused and cannot tell where the hell I was until a few seconds later. I can’t afford to head to China like this, how on earth am I supposed to take of myself if I’m just feeling so disoriented all the time? I can only pray and hope that sleep will be able to help solve this problem.

I need to clear my mind. I think I must.

Next week Amanda will come out feeling refresh and ready to take on the world.

“You feel fine, and then, when your body can’t keep fighting, you don’t.” 
― Nicholas SparksA Walk to Remember


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