I used to bear a lot of anger and resentment over the complications that happened to me, I had to adapt and live my life surrounded by a multiple onset of problems. Most that are already (and soon to be) solved and the few that I will just have to live with for the rest of my life. The height of my shame,sadness and anger happened two years ago when I was forced to make decision I wasn’t willing to make. I eventually made my decision and right after that, the realization that I have to live like this forever hit me. That was a point where I hit the lowest point of my life.
The barrage of thoughts in my head did not help things either. Thoughts like People would respect me more if I didn’t have my complication OR People like so and so would be more inclined to be friends with me if I didn’t have this complication. It wasn’t that I did not have friends. In fact, I have more than enough and I am very contented with my then (and still current) bunch of friends. The thoughts were not new, I always had them in the back of my mind that surfaced at that point. There have been people in my life that made me feel like shit and inferior to others, subconsciously or not. And there are certain things in life I probably would not be able to take up at this point in time, maybe forever.
But it’s not like I have a choice in that matter. I either suck it up or just continue in self agony. However, even at the lowest point in my life, I kind of knew I will get to the other end of tunnel safe and sound. But I had 17 years (now 19) to get over it.
Am I over it? Nope. But I have made peace with myself. I will suck it up and I will endure it. Born with this complication? Just my luck. No more resentment, no more anger. But most of all, I am not going to blame myself any longer for something I cannot control.
Standing here two years later, I am about to enter the very next stage of my life — One where the 17 years old me is desperate to enter. While I don’t need this next stage like the 17 year old me who wants to fit in, I am going for it because I want it. And I think that is all that matters in the end