2015

My obligatory post to end this year.

It’s the last day of 2015!

I am happy to say that I am glad for this year. Of course there are several up and downs here and there, but all of which I am grateful for. Everything that has happened made me learn, grow and figured out many issues about me and others.  A fond appreciation to the ones I have, to the ones I’ve lost and the ones I’ve met this year that has made 2015 pretty memorable from years to come.

I think 2015 was a good one. There were many people I’ve met (at work in particular) this year that made me grew stronger. From my journey this year, I have a clearer idea of who I am as a person and what I could do. 2015, you will be missed.

Cheers to the new house, new environment, new start in 2016 🙂

Advertisements

Coming Home

I used to bear a lot of anger and resentment over the complications that happened to me, I had to adapt and live my life surrounded by a multiple onset of problems. Most that are already (and soon to be) solved and the few that I will just have to live with for the rest of my life. The height of my shame,sadness and anger happened two years ago when I was forced to make decision I wasn’t willing to make. I eventually made my decision and right after that, the realization that I have to live like this forever hit me. That was a point where I hit the lowest point of my life.

The barrage of thoughts in my head did not help things either. Thoughts like People would respect me more if I didn’t have my complication OR People like so and so would be more inclined to be friends with me if I didn’t have this complication. It wasn’t that I did not have friends. In fact, I have more than enough and I am very contented with my then (and still current) bunch of friends. The thoughts were not new, I always had them in the back of my mind that surfaced at that point. There have been people in my life that made me feel like shit and inferior to others, subconsciously or not. And there are certain things in life I probably would not be able to take up at this point in time, maybe forever.

But it’s not like I have a choice in that matter. I either suck it up or just continue in self agony. However, even at the lowest point in my life, I kind of knew I will get to the other end of tunnel safe and sound. But I had 17 years (now 19) to get over it.

Am I over it? Nope. But I have made peace with myself. I will suck it up and I will endure it. Born with this complication? Just my luck. No more resentment, no more anger. But most of all, I am not going to blame myself any longer for something I cannot control.

Standing here two years later, I am about to enter the very next stage of my life — One where the 17 years old me is desperate to enter. While I don’t need this next stage like the 17 year old me who wants to fit in, I am going for it because I want it. And I think that is all that matters in the end

Just Enough

When we were young, our elders (teachers and parents in particular) always taught us to dream big and aim high; further your studies, get a high paying job, get a respectable spouse and so on.

When society teaches everyone to dream big and aim high, a materialistic generation is bound to emerge someday. Everyone was taught that money = good. In turn, everyone would go for high paying jobs and spouses with big pay checks when they grow up. Who can blame them? No one wants to settle for anything less because we were all brought up thinking the more we earn, the better our lives will be.

I am sure many of us are familiar with stories of how people bought their way to get a university placement, of how rich people naturally have connections to get high paying jobs and of how money just solves every single problems that comes by. Didn’t score well enough for exams? It’s okay, hire the best tutor in town. Didn’t score well enough in A Levels/Poly? It’s okay, go overseas study. Whenever people hear stories like these, of course everyone wants to be rich. No one will ever settle for a ‘just enough’. Why bother with a ‘just enough’ when you can buy almost everything with money? Are we to blame for being a materialistic generation that we currently are now? Because we were not taught about being contented with what we have, but rather to aim high. In fact, the higher the better.

In the end, a ‘just enough’ is not enough in this day and age to get by.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

This rambling came about when I came across with the phrase “Doing just enough to get by” and I just thought of how ‘just enough’ really isn’t enough in our current society.

Cool For The Summer

Shameless promotion for my girl. LISTEN TO IT HERE

Five more weeks till intern ends and I am ready to run out of there the second it ends on 14 August. I mean no disrespect to my company. It has been a roller coaster of emotions since embarking on this internship journey and I will never forget whatever I have experienced these past 16 weeks. But I have a ton of things to look forward after this internship ends. Not to mention that working = no time at all during the weekdays. Whenever I wake up, my family is either sleeping or at school/work. Then whenever I’m back, they are all either sleeping or in their own respective rooms 😦 Meanwhile I don’t classify myself as a family oriented person that requires/or have ‘family days’ but I seriously feel I’m living alone at times even when I share a room with other family members.

I received a Samsung Tablet as belated birthday gift from my parents! I wasn’t expecting it at all (it was weeks after my birthday) but it was a nice and sweet surprise. I will treasure it well (: I am still Team Apple, even more so after my tablet because the camera quality of the tablet sucks and doesn’t even compare to IPad 2. Okay maybe I am just bitter because my tablet is set a day faster and I can’t figure out how to change the settings.

Feminism: Anti-Male or Equality?

Busy times has led to the temporary death of this blog. However, watching Emma Watson’s HeForShe speech this evening has inspired me update my blog. The part where she mentioned about the word ‘Feminist’ being defined as anti-male got me thinking and eventually I just had to writing this entry.

The fact that many women chose to distance themselves away from the word ‘Feminist’ is upsetting. Yet at the same time, I am not surprised why the ladies would choose to do so. Over the years, the word ‘Feminist’ has become a term of a male-hating woman. And it saddens me greatly to see the term having such a negative and biased perception over these years.  It is upsetting to see many people including women themselves looking down upon the term of ‘Feminist’ because of the association of hating all men.

I am seeing an increasing trend of women, some who calls them ‘Feminazis’, claiming to be ‘Feminist’ yet says absolutely nothing about the equality of women and instead, focused all their energy and hatred onto men. I am also seeing an increasing trend of men, including women, who looks down on feminists and call themselves ‘Meninist’ in response.

When will all these hatred stop? Why have this once positive term became such a negative one? When the Feminism movement first came about, it was about getting the same pay as men, having the same education as men, having the same right to vote in elections and many more. It was about equality.

Feminism is a movement of wanting gender equality not about being anti-male. It is not about being more superior than one another.

Just my thoughts for tonight after hearing her speech again after so long. I don’t claim to know in depth about this topic so if I have written anything you disagree with, feel free to let me know. Honestly, I have to say that there have been many times where I am amused and genuinely entertained and maybe agree with some of the stories/posts/tweets by Feminazis and Meninists. But seriously….

We are all humans living on earth, so why should we be judged for being born as a man or woman?

Dear 2015,

Dear 2015,

I’m not going to ask you to be good this time. This year, I am going to be better than I was the previous year. This year, I’m not going to let anyone take control of my life. Neither they are going to influence my decisions. This year, I want to make this count. And this year, I promise no tears. 

Okay, it took me like so long to write this 2015 post because I was so caught up with life these past two days. So what’s my new years resolution (or rather my goal)?

I want to be better.

Not to only anyone else, but to myself. I want to do what I want and I want to try things I’ve never done before. And yes, I know I have mentioned that I don’t believe in New Years resolution like a year ago. I still don’t if anyone interested in knowing. But I think it’s a good idea to reflect and see if you actually achieved your goal.

Did I achieve the goal in 2014 to be happy everyday? Yes. I mean I wasn’t happy everyday like I said I was. But I was happy most of the time and I think it’s good enough. So good job Amanda! You may have became a horrible person, but at least you are happier now than when you were nice.

When life throws you lemons, throw it back.

So it’s been like three months since I updated this blog. Initially I didn’t want to post this since it’s like 2-3 days away from 2015 and I may as well “So it’s been like three months since I updated this blog. Initially I didn’t want to post this since it’s like 2-3 days away from 2015 and I may as well “start anew” by posting on 1st Jan. But I suddenly got inspired to write so screw this haha.

So this is my first post where the title isn’t a song name (Okay maybe no one notice it) and I just feel like I should change up my writing style because while I was re-reading it, it seemed kind of pretentious lol. But forgive me okay, I was feeling deep and emotional~ I supposed it’s a phase I will probably never get out of.

I wanted to refrain from using singlish/broken english, but my english sucked anyway and I just wanted to have something that I’d feel proud of. However, that 3 months gave me much to think about. I mean, who exactly am I trying to impress anyway? Not going to lie, I want to look deep. Not for everyone else but for myself, just so I can look back at myself and think “wow I was so deep” 20 years later. I also didn’t want to touch much on what’s going on in my life for fear I’d spill things I probably wasn’t supposed to say or sensitive stuffs. And everyone knows that whatever that is on the internet can never be erased. So much drama were caused over some stupid tweet or facebook post, so let’s just save on those dramas.(And in case my future employers wants to check or something and they find out I’m a horrible person from my posts.)

I’ve thought of deleting this blog countless times because the paranoid part in me thinks that I have (future) assholes in my life that reads (or would read) this blog and laugh behind my back. But these 3 months has given me much room to think about other things beyond minor things like this. I would like to have blog that I can read in the future and smile because it contains all my memories. Hence I’m thinking of changing up the way I write because while I was re-reading my previous posts, all i could think was “woah why am I sad 80% of the time.”

Also, I no longer want to dwell on things I have dwell upon in the past anymore. Neither am I going to give anyone the benefit of doubt anymore. Innocent until proven guilty? How about guilty until proven innocent. What’s the point of caring so much anyway? The one that gives the most, loses the race. Life is a cruel place indeed.

Alas I don’t think my writing style will ever change. anew” by posting on 1st Jan. But I suddenly got inspired to write so screw this haha.